A few things need to be changed.
I need to seriously look at myself, and I need to think about where I'm going, and what I'm doing.
I deleted Ange from my friends list,
I took her of msn,
and I need to get over it.
She's not my friend anymore, I can't have friends that bring me down.
Claire's growing up.
I feel like talking about Pete Wentz.
Man if I can find one, I'm getting a shirt that says, 'Put it away Pete'
I just can't stand him,
seriously, he's w.r.o.n.g.
In case you haven't heard,
he's the lowdown on Fallout boy from me.
I don't when they started but, they were a pretty big band eh?
like with all the Indie/emo/whatever kids eh?
but now they're terribly terribly mainstream, and the first big problem that they've had was (obviously) Pete's pictures.
I'm sure someone other than me has seen them (not that impressive) but basically it's him,
in a bathroom holding 'himself'.
Apparently the story is that he and his friend had this massive fight, (the friend is a huy btw) and the pictures ended up on the internet,
and what's Fallout boy saying?
That they're a band that don't take themselves to seriously.
H'ok you sick tard.
Then, the last thing I have to say about Fallout boy, is about the Mum who took her kids to the concert, and got 'so insulted' by the swearing that she wrote to the band, and rallied, and complained her heart out about it.
why the hell?
They're a rock band,
and It's not their fault that the majority of their fans are 12.
Wow I almost defended Fallout boy.
I don't like them.
The only thing about Fallout boy I like, is the fact that they just keep embarassing themselves, and i hope they continue to do so.
Updating because hey,
this is therapy.
it makes me feel special even though I know that nobody read this expect for me.
I don'm understand what's up with Ange.
Lemme write the story down just in case,
Sinead reads this still I think (hey nade ^_^)
I was talking to Fi last night and randomly she said,
'Does Ange hate you and why?'
And yeah, I was confused, and she said something like,
'I was talking to her about July when you come back and she said that she didn't wanna spend any time with you'
And that hurt.
I'm serious I can't explain how much that hurt.
I'm already fucking depressed being here by myself.
It's not a bowl of onges.
So then i asked Ange about it, because there's no use throwing an emo fit and getting all bitchy.
And she just got wierd, and avoidy, and started acting bitchy,
and I was just asking,
I wasn't being mean.
And she was being really, really bitchy we just made me sadder.
I really don't understand why she was like that.
it's so strange.
No-one knows me anymore,
I mean, I've changed so much and I think only Rhiannon knows that.
I'm not even sure if she realizes.
It makes me sad.
I feel really really strange.
Kind of like my life has no point.
Seriously, it's a wierd feeling.
It's not something you really want to experiance,
I feel like I'm alone.
Because for the most part I am.
I don't have close friends that I can talk to whenever I want, or hug, or ever //hear//.
They're all in another country.
I feel majorly worthless.
And on top of that people that were my friends, we're growing apart.
And it sucks.
And I feel stressed, and angry. And I can just tell that July is going to be a disaster.
Is the best.
There's a spoon next to me.
I promised I promised I promised.
Why can't I fast forward?
Just so fucking alone,
this is karma aint it?
fucking karma I never did anything this bad, I don't deserve this.
I have no-one, I have no escape, and no-one loves me for who I am.
they're all retards and I hate them so, so SO much.
I want them all to die, because they're such idiots.
fucking morons the lot of them.
1. Black Dress _ Kisschasy
Ok, it's not really a surprise why this is number 1.
Is the most sadistically beautiful thing, ever written.
It's so romantic, and just amazing.
The first time I heard this, I actually listened to it a few times just because it was there, and I didn't listen to the lyrics,
But I caught a snatch of it, and I played it again, and again, and again and I read the lyrics and was just … amazed.
The Kisschasy songs that I had then were all, 'Do Do's and Woah Woah's', so seeing something this amazing coming from this band was uber surprising,
Here's the part that always gets me;
They'll find your headstone in the yard with your black dress and my guitar.
I'll carry you back to your grave where you and I will always stay.
I close the casket, it gets dark, they'll find us in each others arms.
2. Meet you there _ Simple Plan
Well Simple Plan was the first band I listened to the even mildly resembled punk.
And this song was the best thing in the world.
It was amazing,
I was in tears the first time I heard it, and I was so, so, so happy that they never released it.
The simple (no pun intended) lyrics are actually a good thing, they get the point across in a way that can't be taken the wrong way.
And where I go you'll be there with me,
Forever you'll be right here with me..
3. Amy in the white coat _ bright eyes
Bright Eyes is on my list three times,
Because Conor is an amazing writer, and this song, I can't figure out why it got me, but his songs paint such pictures for me, it's really amazing.
With the sun beams bright
You keep your eyes shut
Your alarm clock lies
Get to school on time
But you're a bag of warm fluid
You're the corpse in the class
You walk so near to your locker
You lay so low in the grass
Did you get that coat from the principal?
Did you get that bruise on the bus?
You should wash your hair more
You should look more like us.
That line really brought me back to Primary school,
It's my favorite part of the song.
I love the way he sings this as well, in the almost whispered tone with just a soft acoustic guitar and the female backing vocals, it all makes it better.
4. Don't know when but a day's gonna come _ bright eyes
Oh man, where do I start.
The firt time I listened to this I loved it,
I mean, the first line,
Is it true what I heard about the Son of God?
Did he come to save? Did he come at all?
And if I dried his feet,
with my dirty hair,
would he make me clean again?
That defiantly hit me.
There are way to many good quotes in this song,
I knew a lovely girl, with such pretty pride, and every man wanted her, yeah and so did I.
So did I.
But she up and died in a fit of vanity.
That just strikes me as so profound, and deep.
Now men with purple hearts, carry silver guns.
And they will kill a man for what his father has done.
But what my father did, you know it don't mean shit. I'm not him.
So you think I need some discipline, well, I had my share.
I have been sent to my room. I've been sat in a chair.
And I held my tongue. I didn't plug my ears.
No, I got a good talking to.
I really think I like every line in this song.
The instrumental part in the middle just blows me away, when the violin comes in, and the drums, and the piano in the background.
It's all so loud.
And the end, where he sings;
Could you please start explaining?
You know, I need some understanding.
Makes me tingle.
5. Do you realize _ The Flaming Lips
lol, I first heard this on camp,
Like every camp,
Until one time I was just sitting there listening, and I got the biggest shock of my life and almost started crying.
The song starts out all normal, and you think, aw what a nice song,
'Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face'
'Do you realize that everyone you know one day will die'.
And it actually hits you,
This song has interesting music, listen to it, it's hard to explain.
6. No lies, just love _ bright eyes
This is the song that got me into bright eyes.
It tells a story,
I'm not sure if it's true, It might be.
Basically, it's about a kid decided to commit suicide.
||by kid I mean seventeen||
And he's written the letter, and he's bought the pills,
But then it's Spring, and everything seems brighter so he puts it off,
But then his friend says that If you kill yourself, So am I.
And it ends with him saying that he's written the song for his brothers first child, and he wants to make some changes;
I wrote this for a baby
who has yet to be born
my brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
cause it's cold out here
and it'll be quite a shock
to breathe this air
to discover loss
so I'd like to make some changes
before you arrive
so when your new eyes meet mine
they won't see no lies
My favorite line from this song:
and I sat watching a flower
as it was withering
I was embarrased by it's honesty
7. Early Sunsets over Monroeville _ My Chemical Romance
I don't know, I just like this song a whole lot,
I had a few days where it was all I would listen to, just on repeat.
(Yes it made me cry okay)
And, This song, is about vampires.
Which is cool.
But, It's just so tragic.
Up and down escalators, pennies and colder fountains
Elevators and half price sales, trapped in by all these mountains
Running away and hiding with you
I never thought they'd get me here
Not knowing you'd change from just one bite
I fought them all off just to hold you close and tight
But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
But would anything matter if you're already dead?
And well should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained..
The lines to this song are amazing,
And Gerards vocals definitely make them better,
Also how the music isn't overly complicated, just soft in the background.
Gah I love it.
8. Sing for the Moment _ Eminem
Behold, the song that started my angst.
Will always remain a fave, even though eminem isn’t my thing anymore.
This song is great.
I won't post the lyrics, but this song was my favorite for so so long, and It's always gonna be on the list.
9. Even in Death _ Evanescence
ok here goes,
I am insane,
And this is the song that I deemed, 'ours'
Me and Eric.
No I'm serious, this is the song I listen to when I'm sad about Eric.
Parts of this song are so accurate that sometimes I think it was written just for us.
Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love
But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love
They don't know you can't leave me
They don't hear you singing to me
And I can't love you, anymore than I do
People die, but real love is forever.
10. Gaston, from Beauty and the Beast _ Disney
My Mum doesn't know anything about me.
She think that I just wanna go to Rosthern to get out of doing distance ed.
Selfish, selfish bitch she is.
I wanna go to Rosthern to get away from her.
She's making me depressed, and insane.
She's causing everything,
And I fucking hate it.
I need to get away from her,
I can't explain how bad she is.
I've been thinking.
I can't stand myself.
It's like when you spend too much time with one person, and you just get sick of them.
My face isn't even, One side's bigger than the other.
No-one understands anything I tell them because I can't ever find the right words.
No matter how much I starve, and deny myself,
I'm not loosing any weight,
There are still flab rolls, and gross parts.
My nose is still too big.
It has bumps in it.
Guys don't want me.
And all the guys that I fall for are wrong for me.
God doesn't exist.
He's doesn't listen no matter how hard you pray.
Everything isn't gonna suddenly get better.
It seems like every guy, that I get interested in, or who shows a little interest to me, I just ... get obsessed, throw everything away and dream about how perfect it'd be.
And all the time they're just out of reach.
And they're never right.
Why can't I find someone who's just ... perfect?
Who doesn't drink,
and who plays the guitar,
and we could go for walks,
and listen to the same music.
I just don't understand.
What's so wrong with me?
Am I really that ugly?
Cause I thought I was pretty now,
and I thought it was all over.